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Is it just me or has anyone else been having an emotionally and spiritually intense past few months?!?!
For me, the months of October through December offered a season of shedding, transformation, death and rebirth and navigating all of the shifts and changes this season wasn't the easiest. I trust that many of my readers have felt it too, so in this post, I want to offer a glimpse into what these past few months put me through but more importantly, I want to offer those who were/are navigating similar circumstances an opportunity to be seen, heard but most importantly...inspired.
So y'all ready to get into these crazy few months? Let's do it cause babyyyy....
Beginning in early October with the 10/10 ascension portal, followed by Friday the 13th (which spiritually is actually recognized as The Day of the Divine Feminine, bringing up lots of deeply-rooted emotions), followed by Pluto (my ruling planet that governs transformation) moving out of Capricorn for the first time in 15 years, immediately followed by a New Moon Total Solar Eclipse and only two weeks later, followed by a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse, all of which happened mere days before we underwent another major shift into Scorpio (Solar Return) season gave me the spiritual dragging I didn't know I needed.
Now, I’ve always said via the blog or through social media that moving to this little island off the coast of Belize has brought me so much closer to Spirit because with fewer distractions and far fewer (literal & figurative) pollutants, I have no choice but to feel all of the celestial transits because I am quite literally surrounded by The Elements and The Cosmos. Though the vast majority of the time, it feels amazing and so(ul)-liberating to be so deeply connected to Spirit through the Elements, it can also at times feel really, really intense.
With all of these transits and different celestial events, I’ve gone from feeling deeply depressed and completely uninspired to lean into any of my creative outlets, to feeling the heaviness of watching the destruction of Black & Brown people (largely children) around the world and as a young mother, it’s been heartbreaking. The daily reports of the war in Palestine, the Congo and Sudan have made the internet a deeply toxic place to spend time, so it's been challenging showing up on IG as a content creator/storyteller because often it has felt a bit inappropriate to post in a space that is riddled with anger, hated resentment and deeply polarized views on what should be a collective movement towards empathy, peace and understanding. I have since adjusted my perspective on sharing content realizing that no matter what goes on in the world, I still have a place in it and if sharing glimpses into my life offers at least a brief reprieve from the horror displayed all over the internet, I feel like I've contributed a small bit towards the restoration of our collective joy.
Aside from international devastation that had been plaguing my spirit, I’ve also been in a state of feeling a bit lost when it comes to the fulfillment of my life’s purpose as a healer, spiritualist, writer and entrepreneur. In the past few months, I’ve been asking myself (and Spirit) if I really have what it takes to pursue a life of intentionally healing Black women because often I pour so much into my offerings that I get consumed by it, neglecting boundaries and the protection of my own energy and peace. In spaces where I usually leave feeling inspired, seen and comforted, lately I’ve been leaving these spaces feeling depleted, overextended and tired. I would lay awake at night asking myself:
"Do I really have what it takes to do this work?"
"Am I prepared for the ramifications of offering myself as one who can help women heal?"
Though I am not a licensed professional, I've asked myself time and time again if I am even worthy of creating spaces for Black women to feel seen, heard and comforted so as you can imagine, Imposter’s Syndrome for me has been at an all time high, calling into question my sense of worth and my belief in my own capabilities.
Additionally, these past few months have brought up an astounding amount of trauma for me which has caused me to feel deeply insecure, jealous and honestly…unhealed. I picked a completely unnecessary fight with my husband and after realizing how much I hadn’t yet healed, back down the depressed, self-doubting hole I went. I quickly recognized the origins from which all these negative, low-vibrational emotions were coming and apologized profusely to my husband but let me say this again, in moments when I truly just want my husband to see me in the best light, this situation was deeply humbling and honestly...embrassing. I am SO THANKFUL to have a patient, gracious and understanding partner who can see past my traumas and loves me for everything I once was, currently am and in the process of becoming.
Speaking of who I’m becoming…
After spending about a month surrendering to the shifts, changes and opportunities to heal, ascend and transform and after sitting in stillness, leaving room to receive Spirit’s downloads, I realized that this season is really a time for complete metamorphosis, which typically requires the “destruction” of the old in order to make space for the rebirth of the new. That “destruction” can show up in exactly the ways that I felt them or many of the ways that you’ve been feeling too: restless, anxious, fearful, uninspired, and simply mentally, spiritually and emotionally drained. The download I received from Spirit during this time, however, was the realization that right before you ascend to the next level of your journey, Spirit offers you (in by no means a gentle way lol) a powerful moment or series of moments for you to confront aspects of your innermost, Shadow self that need to finally be identified, addressed and acknowledged.
For me, it felt like a destruction of ego, the shedding (after a thorough confrontation) of my fears, doubts and insecurities of being a healer, successful entrepreneur, wife and mother. It has felt like a death of the woman I once was, a broken, emotionally-damaged and anxiety-ridden little girl who especially since moving to Belize, has become a woman who has found her voice, her truth, her innermost passions and ways in which those passions can heal generations of Black women to come. What I once thought was anxiety has been transformed into excitement about where I am and where I’m headed now that I’ve had time to reassess my intentions, reevaluate the ways in which I’m leading/forging my path forward and reestablishing a commitment to everything I intend to manifest.
I write all this to say that if you’re like me and have been feeling all of the chaotic energy of the recent transits and heartbreaking events around the world involving different populations of Black and Brown people, which may have left you feeling down, depressed, stuck, fearful and/or doubtful about who you are, the role you play in your own journey and/or the path you’re leading, just know that I’m with you, I see you and I love you.
Understand as I recently have, that this is a time for shedding, enlightenment, re-evaluation and a total transformation from who you once were into who you were destined to be.
So take it slow.
Take it easy.
Indulge in the radical act of spiritual solitude so that you can receive the downloads and give yourself grace as you navigate the surfacing of things you thought you’d once healed.
Allow time and space to confront those things and be intentional about what you need to truly let go of so you can take full advantage of this most powerfully transformative season.
Always remember (as I try to remind myself) that you are worthy of everything you've ever wanted, you hold divine power in manifesting all of your intentions and the little/big tests along the way mean that you are being strengthened and prepared for all the beautiful things that are on their way to you.
With love,
Bree
